A husband and wife were arguing over where they were going for their tenth anniversary. She wanted to go to the beach and he wanted to go to the mountains.
After much bickering, her husband grabbed a pair of his pants and handed them to her. “Put these on.” he said.
“I can’t wear those,” she replied. “they’re too big.”
“That’s right. because I wear the pants in the family.”
In response, she took a pair of her panties and told him to put them on.
“I can’t get into those.” he said.
“That’s right, and if you want to get into them again, we’ll go to the beach.”
I used to put candles on my windowsill, not a smart thing to do, but I learned a valuable lesson. Never underestimate a warm, summer breeze and a six pack of Bud or you may find yourself running around at three in the morning, throwing buckets of water on a wall of fire.
You totally deserved it. You tortured me.
What about the time you locked me in the basement with your brother after he ate half a dozen bean burritos. That, my friend, was torture. If I had lit a match the whole place would’ve gone up in flames.
I don’t remember that.
Of course you wouldn’t, you’re not the one who almost died from gas asphyxiation.