Tag: animal

“WARNING – DISCLAIMER”

Yes, today I have a warning label with a disclaimer.

My thoughts are very dark today, who knows, maybe I’ll catch just a glimpse of gray, but maybe, just maybe I’ll realize it’s nothing a little, electroshock therapy can’t fix.

“Nothing like going to the extreme.”  I’d say in a butchered British accent.

You ask me, “How do you feel today?”

Like just a pile of dung, and not just any dung, that heaping, stinking, fly ridden pile of cow dung.

cow dung

That’s where the indentation came from.  This is how we know God has a sick sense of humor.  He raised us from the earth, but neglected to tell us it was full of “poop mines”.

I’m sorry, were you eating?

Too bad, chuck it up!

After all, you’re the one who asked in the first place.

“I Own You.”

Cat I own youYup, if my cat could speak, that’s exactly what he’d say.

You think I’m lying?

My cat has devised an escape plan.  You see, I have a dog too and “Fritz” knows that when I get up to take the dog out that’s THE moment.

After I walk out, I imagine he saunters to the door, sits and waits…patiently…knowingly that I’ll have the dog leash in one hand and the doorknob in the other.  Yes, somehow he figured out I have only two useable hands, so he doesn’t run as if he’s afraid I’ll catch him because he knows I won’t, so he just strolls along, with his tail in the air, swinging to and fro, proud of himself, I assume.

Sometimes, he may even take a moment to look back, and I’m sure he’s thinking it, ‘That’s right.  I own you.’

“Random Memory”

The first time I saw a black squirrel was when I was working in the city.  Now, typically when you walk up to a squirrel they run away, but these guys, they just don’t give a shit.  They’ll stare your ass down until you run away.Black squirrel staring