“Italian Eatery”

So, last year I went to this nice, “authentic” Italian restaurant in New Jersey, and when I say “authentic”  I mean the ones that make you sign a release form if you want to sit and eat by the window.  They have the private room in the back where a group of old Italian guys congregate.
I heard last week they were on the verge of bankruptcy.  I know with all the tension between “families”, people are afraid to eat there, so I imagine the manager is saying to his employees, “Look, the only way we’re going to turn this thing around is if we tell those guys to go.”
Can you imagine having to be the one to deliver that message?
I’m thinking that’s probably something they passed around in the back for awhile before it ended with Joey “The Dishwasher”
“Toe tag!  You’re it.”
Which reminds me, Giant has a special on salmon today.

“Dialogue of Bittersweet Memories”


You totally deserved it.  You tortured me.


What about the time you locked me in the basement with your brother after he ate half a dozen bean burritos.  That, my friend, was torture.  If I had lit a match the whole place would’ve gone up in flames.


I don’t remember that.


Of course you wouldn’t, you’re not the one who almost died from gas asphyxiation.

“Dirty Old Lady”

An old lady, after having cremated her husband, was dumping his ashes on the beach, but she took the last bit in the palm of her hand and blew it away. 

When I asked her why, she turned to me and said.  “I was just giving him the blowjob he always wanted.”